Borderline-Selbsthilfe

Fear of death is something people always have. It's normal to be afraid that one day you won't exist anymore. However, an excessive fear of death or dying can significantly impair the quality of life. What is behind the fear and how can we learn to deal with it?

Fear of death often has no specific trigger
 
Fear of death can arise from an imminent and real threat, such as cancer or a serious car accident. But often it is a vague fear without any concrete trigger. In addition, it is mostly subliminal. In everyday life, the subject only becomes fully conscious when you touch it. This can happen, for example, when you read about the death of a celebrity or learn of the death of a family member, friend or acquaintance. The reaction to this can be great fear. Because the death of others reminds us of the fragility of life and of our own death. But the fear of death primarily affects not only oneself, but also his loved ones. You cannot and do not want to imagine the end of your life, your parents, your siblings and your partner.

Why are so many people afraid of death?
 
Studies show that the fear of death peaks between the ages of 40 and 64, when most people are through all the major life stages of college, marriage and starting a family. It is predictable what the next few years or even decades will look like overall. Feeling like you're not living the life you want, that you haven't achieved many of your personal goals, or that you haven't fulfilled your life dreams can be a source of intense anxiety. Therefore, the fear of death, especially in young people, can be an expression of a life that cannot be lived.
 
The fear of losing control often hides behind the fear of death. With death comes a great deal of uncertainty about what will happen afterward. We also have to deal with the idea that after our own death we can no longer influence the things and people that are important to us. When the fear of death is more about a partner or family member than about yourself, it can also reflect a fear of loss.

There are other factors that increase or cause anxiety.

• Serious illnesses and deaths in family or friends
• Concrete threats such as political conflicts, environmental disasters (in the immediate vicinity) or new pathogens
• Unprocessed experiences, such as the sudden death of a family member or close relative
• Fear of death as learned behavior from parents
• Few points of contact with the topics of death and dying

Fear of death as an expression of a phobia of death
 
Excessive fear of death can indicate fear of heights (Greek thánatos = death, phobos = fear). It is one of the specific anxiety disorders. The thought not only of death but also of the situations and places associated with it triggers a strong feeling of anxiety. These are expressed in physical symptoms such as tachycardia, tremors, dizziness and muscle tension. A strong fear of death can have a very negative impact on your life.
 
Affected people try to avoid their fear triggers. For example, take a detour to avoid passing a cemetery, or feel unable to visit a friend who is in the hospital. In addition, those affected avoid everything that they consider life-threatening, such as driving on the freeway or long-haul flights, and try to eliminate possible sources of danger in the life of their partner or family.
 
Many sufferers fear sudden death, waking up in the morning or a life-threatening illness. Death phobia is therefore often associated with hypochondria and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Illness and Fear of Death: Connections to Mental Illness
 
In general, there is a strong interaction between fear of death and mental illness. Studies show that anxiety can promote and perpetuate mental disorders. On the other hand, people with mental disorders are more likely to have a death phobia. Severe anxiety can be a symptom of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.
 
Death phobia is particularly common in people with generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. An Australian study found that participants with anxiety and OCD experienced worse symptoms when faced with the fear of death. The researchers hypothesized that when the fear of death shifted to clearly identifiable objects in the outside world, psychological complaints would increase.
Fear of death in the elderly
 
Older people are less afraid of death, a study by the University of Heidelberg shows. 124 people aged between 87 and 97 were repeatedly asked about their attitude towards death over a period of four years. Even at the beginning of the study, the fear of death was less pronounced. It decreased over time.
 
In old age, many people often suffer from the fear of death. This has more to do with the suffering and pain of the dying process than with the fact that it eventually ceases to exist. This is also associated with the fear of developing an illness that robs the quality of life of the past few years and represents a long ordeal up to death. Fear of death can develop, especially after the diagnosis of a serious illness in old age. As with the fear of death, uncertainty also plays a major role here. I don't know how my life will end and how much I will suffer.
 
But older people can also have a strong fear of death, for example if they have the feeling that they have missed out on a lot in life or that life has not fulfilled their hopes and goals. Dealing with death and fear of death
 
The "normal" fear of death also has a positive side. Get screened and avoid risky activities as this will help you maintain a healthy lifestyle and diet. The person concerned does not necessarily have to deal with the fear, unless the fear restricts the quality of life or causes psychological tension. Instead of focusing on death and dying, it is often better for your own health and mental health to ignore death and death-related issues in your daily life.
 
However, when the anxiety becomes so severe that it's limiting your quality of life, it's important to find ways to deal with it. Those affected seize the opportunity to live the life they secretly desire. In addition, the inability to fully express oneself increases the fear that one day life will come to an end.

It can be incredibly comforting to talk to people close to you when you know you're not alone with your fears. Psychotherapy is effective in elucidating the underlying cause. Cognitive-behavioural therapy can help clarify how attitudes, personal beliefs, and past experiences are related to anxiety. The purpose of this therapy is to get rid of destructive thoughts and stop seeing life as a minefield where one wrong step means the end.
 
In addition to treatment, relaxation techniques such as autogenic training, progressive muscle relaxation, and yoga can also reduce anxiety symptoms.

Accepting death - how does it work?
 
It is no coincidence that young and middle-aged people are more afraid of death than those who know they have little longer to live. The less you have in life, the harder it is to accept death. However, this is not only a question of age, but also a question of attitude. Many people fall victim to the death paradox and live as if they will never die. You put off a lifelong dream, spend years with the wrong partner, or get stuck in a job you're not passionate about. The more years you let go of doing nothing, the more you resist the fact that your life span is limited. Conversely, this means that those who live consciously, find meaning in life and realize their dreams are more likely to accept death.
 
A strong fear of death can therefore be a starting point for looking at one's life and asking important questions.

• What are my goals?
• How do I want to shape the coming years and decades?
• What meaning do I associate with my life? Do I want to make the people around me happy, do I get involved socially or is it about finding myself?
• Do I implement my goals in life in my everyday life?
• If everything went on as before, would I have any regrets when I looked back on my life at 80?

If the answer to the last question is not yes, then don't wait any longer and change your life. This is the only way to overcome the fear of death.