The family is an important support for patients with borderline personality disorder. However, they need coping strategies and should be directly involved in the therapy in order to provide a safe and stable environment.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an extremely complex illness that is not only challenging for the person affected, but also for their social environment. The family can strengthen the stability and well-being of borderline patients, so it is beneficial if they are involved in the therapy. In this article you will find several tips that are very helpful when a person in the family suffers from BPD.
BPS patient in the family
Borderline personality disorder leads to emotional instability and destructive, impulsive behaviour towards oneself and others. Interpersonal relationships are often conflictual, as sufferers often develop a great dependency and fear abandonment. BPD in the family is therefore a particular challenge.
In addition, relatives usually do not have sufficient knowledge or the appropriate coping strategies. Kay et al. (2018) published a study on the experiences of people with BPD in the family, who report marital conflicts, financial problems and general adjustment difficulties, among other things. They often receive no or too little support from professionals, as intervention is primarily focused on the patients themselves.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) in the family: 7 tips
Fitzpatrick, Wagner and Monson (2019), in a systematic review of treatments for BPD, suggest that interventions that build on close relationships show high effectiveness. Family involvement can be crucial in treatment. In addition, family members also need help and coping strategies to learn how to properly deal with the ill family member and not develop depression themselves.
The following recommendations can help in this situation and prevent spirals of conflict, contact breakdowns or escalations:
1. patience and psychoeducation.
Borderline personality disorder is a chronic, complex illness. You should therefore not expect quick improvements, but must show patience. The behavioural patterns and mental schemata are rigid, so sufferers need enough time to work on them. Sentences like "You'll manage" or "It's all up to you" do not help the sick person. They often lead to conflicts and increased symptoms.
Relatives should gain as much knowledge as possible about this disorder in order to be able to build a mindful, empathetic relationship with the ill person. If they are able to recognise their feelings and let go of their anger, they can avoid spirals of conflict and create a safe environment in which the ill family member feels comfortable.
2 Routines and harmony
BPD patients tend to lose control. They are often chaotic, so a calm, structured family environment has a positive effect. Even if it is difficult to maintain routine and harmony, you will create an optimal basis for security and stability. 3.
3. do not only pay attention to destructive behaviours
Many family members focus ostensibly on the destructive behaviour of the person with BPD, but in doing so they reinforce their behaviour. You should spend as much time as possible with the ill person and actively listen to them so that they feel that they are being noticed, not just when they are hurting themselves.
4. set boundaries
Being patient and considerate does not mean that you have to accept all behaviour. Boundaries are important, you should insist on them. If the person with BPD behaves violently or abusively, it is best to back off to make it clear that they are not getting anywhere. The person with BPH also needs to learn to accept the consequences of their actions.
5. Entwickle realistische Ziele
Die Familienmitglieder müssen sich realistische Ziele für das Zusammenleben und -verhalten mit der kranken Person setzen. Ziele wie “eine Woche ohne Streit” sind keineswegs realistisch. Es ist sinnvoller, anpassungsfähig zu sein: Das Ziel ist beispielsweise, dass die Borderline-Patienten lernen, sich respektvoll auszudrücken, ohne zu schreien oder zu fluchen.
6. Konflikte lösen
Familienprobleme sind unvermeidlich, doch es besteht die Möglichkeit, Konflikte gemeinsam zu lösen und auch die kranke Person einzubeziehen. Was kann jedes Familienmitglied tun, dass sich bestimmte Konflikte nicht wiederholen? Vereinbarungen, an die sich alle halten, sind sehr hilfreich.
7. Halte dich an die Behandlung und befolge die Empfehlungen
Schließlich ist es von grundlegender Bedeutung, dass sich alle an den Behandlungsprozess halten, um Verbesserungen zu erreichen. Die fachärztlichen Empfehlungen müssen unbedingt berücksichtigt werden. Wenn eine Strategie nicht funktioniert, kann die Fachkraft helfen, andere Mechanismen zu finden, um Beziehungen zu reparieren oder Probleme zu lösen.
Wenn sich alle an die fachärztlichen Anweisungen halten, können sie der kranken Person helfen und gleichzeitig auch das Familienleben einfacher gestalten. Gemeinsame Aktivitäten, effektive Bewältigungsstrategien, Respekt und Einfühlungsvermögen helfen Borderline-Patienten, ihre Stabilität zurückzuerlangen.
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