Many partners are overwhelmed
Many partners are overwhelmed, this paradoxical attitude makes living with borderliners so difficult: on the one hand they cling to their partner, on the other hand they quickly withdraw from him. For the other a difficult situation to bear. Many partners are overwhelmed, do not want to be responsible for their loved one's dissatisfaction, do not want to take responsibility for their actions.
"The borderliners evaluate everything
based on their respective emotional state," says Manuela puzzles,
who has already written several guidebooks for partners of
borderliners. Since those affected often do not know who they really
are, they lose themselves in their emotional chaos. That's why they
need someone through whom they can define themselves, a mirror so to
speak. And that is often the partner. "Borderliners expect him to
feel the same way as they do at the same time," explains the expert.
If he doesn't, they try to provoke the respective feeling. "Someone
with this disorder can't deal with the fact that their partner is an
independent individual - and not just a projection screen," says
Manuela puzzles. People with borderline experience a separation all
the more existentially. Because if you don't have a partner, you
don't have a mirrored self: "Some feel like they've been destroyed,"
says Manuela puzzles. Because they believe they can only live
through the other. That's why they don't let go of the other and, in
the worst case, even become a stalker .
His despair is not my despair
But how can you live a love for a borderliner?
“By setting yourself apart,” advises
the expert, “and realizing that the other person's despair isn't
your own despair and you don't bear any responsibility for your
partner either.” Maintaining this attitude requires a great deal of
inner strength that isn't everyone carries within themselves. After
all, who can endure it when the loved one injures themselves, cuts
themselves with a razor blade.
Why do borderliners do this?
To break out of a state where they see
the world through a veil, only see everything in pale colors, no
longer feel real. Only the pain brings her back to life. But what is
actually an emergency anchor can also be reversed: Five to ten
percent of all borderliners take their own lives.
Fortunately, there are now successful therapy options that can't cure the disorder, but can be used to get it under control. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the most commonly used. First of all, it is about finding alternatives as to how borderliners can free themselves from the state of inner emptiness that is unbearable for them. For example, instead of cutting themselves with a razor blade, they snap a rubber band to the skin. In the second step, they learn to be more mindful - with themselves and the world that surrounds them. Because love resides in mindfulness...