Many partners are overwhelmed

Many partners are overwhelmed, this paradoxical attitude makes living with borderliners so difficult: on the one hand they cling to their partner, on the other hand they quickly withdraw from him. For the other a difficult situation to bear. Many partners are overwhelmed, do not want to be responsible for their loved one's dissatisfaction, do not want to take responsibility for their actions.

"The borderliners evaluate everything based on their respective emotional state," says Manuela puzzles, who has already written several guidebooks for partners of borderliners. Since those affected often do not know who they really are, they lose themselves in their emotional chaos. That's why they need someone through whom they can define themselves, a mirror so to speak. And that is often the partner. "Borderliners expect him to feel the same way as they do at the same time," explains the expert. If he doesn't, they try to provoke the respective feeling. "Someone with this disorder can't deal with the fact that their partner is an independent individual - and not just a projection screen," says Manuela puzzles. People with borderline experience a separation all the more existentially. Because if you don't have a partner, you don't have a mirrored self: "Some feel like they've been destroyed," says Manuela puzzles. Because they believe they can only live through the other. That's why they don't let go of the other and, in the worst case, even become a stalker .
His despair is not my despair

But how can you live a love for a borderliner?

“By setting yourself apart,” advises the expert, “and realizing that the other person's despair isn't your own despair and you don't bear any responsibility for your partner either.” Maintaining this attitude requires a great deal of inner strength that isn't everyone carries within themselves. After all, who can endure it when the loved one injures themselves, cuts themselves with a razor blade.

Why do borderliners do this?

To break out of a state where they see the world through a veil, only see everything in pale colors, no longer feel real. Only the pain brings her back to life. But what is actually an emergency anchor can also be reversed: Five to ten percent of all borderliners take their own lives.

Fortunately, there are now successful therapy options that can't cure the disorder, but can be used to get it under control. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the most commonly used. First of all, it is about finding alternatives as to how borderliners can free themselves from the state of inner emptiness that is unbearable for them. For example, instead of cutting themselves with a razor blade, they snap a rubber band to the skin. In the second step, they learn to be more mindful - with themselves and the world that surrounds them. Because love resides in mindfulness...