Skills list

Every person is unique and has different strengths and weaknesses. It is important to respond to the needs of each individual.

However, there are some skills and techniques that can be helpful in dealing with the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Here are some examples:Mindfulness: the ability to be present and focus on the moment without being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or emotions.Emotion regulation: the ability to recognise emotions and express and process them in a healthy way without leading to impulsive or self-harming behaviour.Interpersonal skills: The ability to communicate effectively with others and build relationships without being overwhelmed by intense emotions.Cognitive restructuring: The ability to identify and change negative thought patterns to make them more positive and productive.Stress management: The ability to manage stress and anxiety and develop techniques to reduce them. Self-care: The ability to care for oneself and maintain healthy lifestyle habits to promote physical and emotional well-being.It is important to learn and practice these skills in a therapeutic context with a qualified professional in order to use them effectively.


Distracting oneself by ...

With aggression

 - hitting a punching bag
- playing sports
- tearing up old phone books/catalogues
- shouting loudly
- tie a knot in a towel, wet it, wring it out and hit it against the bathtub or the wall
- biting / hitting a pillow or similar object
- throwing fragile objects (nothing valuable) down the stairs
- Pointing your blade at another object, e.g. wood.
- shouting at someone imaginary
- playing darts
- throwing a ball against a wall
- moving furniture
- clearing out cupboards
- transfer anger to pc figures
- drumming
- jumping around
- building towers out of lego or similar and knocking them over
- chopping wood
- make collages with lots of red
- use therapy modelling clay (it's a bit more expensive, around 13 €), but it can be really effective. it comes in different degrees of hardness, from soft to extremely hard (even medium is really hard to squeeze. you can also tear it apart with a lot of force). it's good for getting rid of pain. it doesn't stain, it doesn't stick and it doesn't dry out. you can buy it in orthopaedic shops, where you can also get yolk balls, etc.

II. substitute pain / feel the body

- flick rubber bands onto the skin
- Knead and squeeze a hedgehog ball very firmly.
- Press ice cubes or cool packs onto the skin (please wrap a towel or similar around the ice cubes or cool packs, as the cold should not lie directly on the skin for too long!) /Dip hands in very cold water (wash basin etc.)
- In winter: Snowball fight or build a snowman, should it hurt, without gloves- but otherwise dressed warmly
- Eat something spicy/sour (lemon, chilli, kebab with extra hot sauce, centre shocks, Airwaves, Tabasco)
- candle wax
- hot/cold showers
- Chewing nails
- Sucking ice cream
- Pressing your hands against each other, really hard, until your arms are shaking
- Go outside without a jacket, especially if it is storming, raining or thunderstorming.
- hitting/kicking a sandbag, punching bag etc.
- Smell something sharp / strong (e.g. a perfume)
- Rubbing a nailbrush (the kind you use to clean your fingernails) over your hand.
- rubbing a ruler with the long side (where you draw a line) over the back of your hand at school
- wax or epilate legs / pluck eyebrows
- sticking plasters on and tearing them off again
- doing gymnastics and stretching =- sore muscles
- headbanging
- Finger cracking
- Nettles
- Pinching
- rubbing in the bath with a pumice stone
- Press hard side of Velcro against finger
- Spray on a bandage, let it dry and then pull it off again.
- Stick a plaster fairly tightly around the fingertip (do not cut off the blood!)
- Wrap a cloth, scarf or similar tightly around the area that would otherwise be injured. this is easiest to do on the arms and legs (please make sure that the blood supply is not interrupted!!!).
- Use your fingers to press firmly on the area that would otherwise be injured.

III. diversion / distraction

- Going for a walk
- Reading
- Playing music, e.g. playing the guitar, piano, etc.
- Listening to music, very loudly if you like.
- Listening to music you can concentrate on and trying to sing along
- Watching television
- Expressing what is on your mind e.g. by painting, writing a diary, writing stories, poems, song lyrics etc.
- When writing, invent a fictional character and then let them do what you actually want to do.
- Making up stories about people who have it a lot worse than you do.
- Draw characters from children's series or comics
- Working through puzzle books
- Writing down and translating English songs you hear often
- Start writing a book
- Learn a poem or the like by heart
- Looking through old magazines
- Study/work for school
- Call or visit someone
- Talking to a good friend
- Cleaning or tidying up
- Playing games
- Chatting
- Surfing the internet
- Playing computer games
- Searching Google for all kinds of nice things, texts, pictures etc.
- Watching e-mails with videos where people are laying on their noses or something like that
- Handicrafts
- Building figures with modelling clay
- Weaving bundles with "Scoubidou
- Sticking all kinds of things with this serving technique: Picture frames, wooden boxes, cupboards, etc.
- Cut out beautiful pictures from magazines.
- Paint window panes, bathtubs etc. with finger paints
- Build with Lego
- Building models
- Building puzzles
- Handicrafts like sewing
- Counting (to 3000 or so), solving complicated mental calculations
- Rearranging rooms
- Completely clearing out the cupboard, throwing everything out and putting it back in again
- Tidying up rooms
- Playing with pets
- Going to the animal shelter and walking a dog
- Juggling (if you don't know how to do it yet, just learn)
- Play darts, you have to concentrate and also get rid of frustration
- Go to the shop and buy all the ingredients you like.
- Creativity: e.g. create your own salad dressings, write down the recipe and name this salad dressing after a feeling
- Go into town and buy something nice
- Sitting by the window
- Doing your hair, trying out a new hairstyle, dyeing, tinting, braiding, twisting it in
- Putting on make-up
- Painting fingernails with nail varnish
- Thinking of something nice or funny that happened to you once
- Take photos, possibly develop them, hang them up, edit them on the PC.
- Looking at photos
- Chewing gum and trying to make bubbles
- Playing with children's toys
- Go into the garden and mow the lawn, pull weeds, etc.
- Go to the library
- Spontaneously go to events in the neighbourhood
- Reading a few pages from a book and then imagining the sequel
- Reading the Duden
- Stand in front of the mirror and make faces (I find this so silly that I have to laugh a little)
- Covering the room with a pad (plastic sheeting has worked well, a few layers of newspaper are also ok if you're a bit careful)
lay out large sheets of paper on top so that the floor is completely covered. Then paint with your hands, feet or whatever you feel like.
The best way to do this is to use this paint in bottles from the DIY store (but beware, if you don't start painting until the
(but be careful, if you wash when the paint is dry, it's easy to scrub) and spread it on saucers or paper plates.
then all you have to do is splash it in. And remember, it's hard to get the stuff out of the carpet or any clothes. Maybe also use finger paint
- Take an atlas and imagine where you would like to be, what you would like to do there, with whom you would like to be there.
- Plan where else you would like to go.
- I sometimes light a tea light or two in my room, lie down on the bed and look at the ceiling, just watching the shadows play.
watch the shadows play
- Playing Neopets (just look it up on google), for me, this intact and cute world always helps - Fixing my school bag (always necessary for me, my combat bag has to suffer quite a bit)
- Get all the pencils together and sharpen them
- Take a plastic straw like this and deform it a bit with a lighter and finally make "art" (or something like that) out of it.
out of it. You are concentrated, you can do it anywhere, for example in a pub, and afterwards you have a more or less beautiful result.
a more or less beautiful result... It helps me!
- Faber Castell makes plasticine erasers, which were originally only available in well-stocked drawing or art shops,
but now they are also suitable for children in bright colours. These things are great, you can knead them, stretch them, wrap them around your finger,
flatten them, etc. They keep your fingers busy and don't stick like normal modelling clay. It doesn't dry out either.
- Maybe you know these balls, mostly in Chinese design, which ring like this, on the one hand one hand is busy, on the other hand the ringing of these two balls is somehow distracting.
the ringing of these two balls is somehow distracting. And if you then
And if you manage to move the balls in your hand without them touching each other, you can be really proud.
- Washing the car, polishing it up with wax, takes about 2 hours, is distracting and a bit exhausting. It looks really good afterwards.
afterwards. You can also clean your bike, take it apart and clean the parts one by one, screw it, oil it,
It's very nice to keep busy.
- Sometimes I just go shopping and buy dog food or something like that for the homeless and bring it to them.
I usually feel better afterwards because I've helped someone and it keeps me busy for a few hours.
- Doing something for other people
- Helping other people! Nothing is better than seeing other people happy because of me.
- Write down everything that bothers you/worries you/etc. on a piece of paper, throw it into a flowing body of water and watch it slowly being carried along by the current.
by the current.
- Lie down on the bed and throw a ball against the ceiling.
- Read/delete old sms
- Starting new things and forcing oneself to finish them
- Singing
- Swinging
- Make a plan for the day
- Writing what you feel at the moment without thinking about it, then burning it afterwards
- Just start laughing, even if there is nothing funny about it
- Practising smiling
IV. Visual substitute
Paint the arms/legs/skin as a whole....
- Paint with red food colouring, red water colouring, red finger colouring, red gel colouring, artificial flowers (usually only available at carnival and Halloween time), felt-tip pen or sharpie (difficult to remove).
- painting with red strokes where I would otherwise scratch
- painting pictures of any kind
- writing all over it, e.g.
"no, not your arm"
"no, not here either!
"it's not his fault" etc.
- Wrap a bandage around his arm and paint it red if necessary.
- Place the arm on a large sheet of paper and trace the shape. Then take a red pen and release the pressure on this "paper arm".
- Draw something, a person or an animal, whatever you can draw well. Then take a thick red felt-tip pen and draw big bleeding wounds all over it.
- Point the object you wanted to hurt yourself with against a doll and drip red ink on the cuts to replace the blood.

V. Emergency kit

for situations where you don't have much with you - these things should definitely be in an emergency kit:

- small ball/chaff bag
- hair elastic / rubber band
- pens and paper
- scented oil / possibly also a small bottle of ammonia
- chilli peppers, centre shocks, sherbet powder, sweetener tablets, etc.
- puzzle (sudoku or similar)
- cd with positive favourite songs
- list of people you could call
- nice photos
- modelling clay
- chewing gum
- toothpicks to break
- red sharpie

VI. relax / do something good for yourself

- go out
- with dog, horse etc...
- with a good friend
- in the rain
- in the forest
- alone, walking distances that few people walk
- far away from the house / room
- into town, among people
- at night, by moonlight
- to church

-body care
- shower (hot or cold)
- bath, foam bath, with scented rinses
- lotion
- alternating baths
- footbath with fragrance
- steam baths
- hairdressing (braiding, dyeing, combing etc)
- sauna
- proper styling, with make-up and all the trimmings
- Putting cream on old scars, imagining them disappearing and how beautiful a healed body is.
- let warm water splash on your arms while showering
- treat yourself to expensive skin care products and pamper your body
- swimming pool, whirlpool
- A hot bath and then your head under water that you can only breathe through your nose. Then you hear the heart beating in your ear and I always try to let the rhythm slow down, for example by breathing slowly or simply trying to come down.
When you hear the heart beating and notice how it calms down, then you know that you are still alive and it is very relaxing.
- use a scrub
- Rub the body dry or in the shower with a massage glove.
- knead a hedgehog ball
-writing/reading
- poems
- diary
- stories
- children's stories (also radio plays)
- books
- letters
- forum, beautiful moments
- own life value list
- bible

-simply relax
- relaxation exercises
- go to bed, with cuddly toy / hot water bottle / pet
- try to sleep
- meditate
- bubbles
- listen to music
- daydreaming
- watch incense sticks
- cry. if possible
- to paint
- squeezing wrapping film with bubbles
- flake in children's world (watch cartoons / children's films, draw comic figures, listen to radio plays etc)
- hand-held stones, i.e. having very smooth stones in your pocket and holding them in your hand
- scented oils / incense / scented candles etc.
- think, find reasons not to hurt yourself
- look out of the window
- observe candles and the shadows they cast
- watch the lava lamp
- counting sheep
- looking at the sky
- concentrate on breath
- let candle wax drip into a bowl
- remember therapy (groups)
- drink something warm (tea, hot lemon, cocoa etc)
- count leaves on trees
- lie in the sun, if too cold cuddle in a blanket
- watch the clock ticking
- reminisce
- go on holiday or imagine where you want to go and what it is like there
- sound balls

-animals
- caring (also for plants)
- cuddling
- cleaning cages
- talk to them (also with plants)
- playing
- stroke them
-maintaining contacts
- talk to friends
- talking on the phone
- chatting
- MSN, ICQ etc
- cuddle
- meeting with friends
- visit siblings or other relatives
- pouring your heart out to someone

-creative
- painting
- drawing
- writing
- cooking or baking (making up your own recipes)
- gardening
- doing puzzles
- building lego
- create a "feel-good" box or book with beautiful memories (photos, concert tickets, etc.)

VII. sports / exercise

Please warm up first before doing any sport, otherwise you risk pulling a muscle or something similar. Please do not do too much sport. The ideal is then to relax consciously after the sport.

- Work the punching bag
- Jogging/sprinting/just running around
- Walking/Nordic walking
- Cycling
- Aerobics
- Swimming
- horse riding
-dancing
- Playing badminton/tennis/squash
- Archery
- jazz dance
- Strength Training
- gym
- Martial Arts
- Thai Chi
- Skating/Inline skating
- Playing football/basketball/handball
- Chopping wood
- Ballet
- Ice skating
- Climbing
- Running up and down stairs
- Jumping and skipping, preferably to music
- Cleaning/vacuuming/tidying up
- Mowing the lawn
- Barefoot running, best outside, is especially good against dissos or when you are no longer sporting.
- A combination skill for people with access to the sea/lake: dive into the ice-cold water once and then roll around in the sand (or use each separately).

VIII Avoidance

- Write a pros and cons list.
- Think about what you will reward yourself with if you manage to resist the pressure.
- Count the number of minutes you can go without SVV ..... Avoidance
- Write a list of pros and cons.
- Think about what you will reward yourself with if you manage to resist the pressure.
- Count the number of minutes you can go without SVV ..... Tell yourself that you have to go for "just one more minute". And repeat this until the pressure is released. You can do the same with intervals of 5 minutes, hour, etc. Preferably with a reward for a certain time without SVV. E.g. 1 piece of chocolate for every hour or extra relaxation time even though homework might be waiting or similar.
- Take an old picture of yourself when you were very small and looked so sweet and innocent. Then go into a self-dialogue: "Could you do that to the child?" "No..." "But you were about to..." And realise that it is you. To imagine that when you cut yourself you're basically cutting into this sweet little soft innocent arm.
- I've noticed lately that trying to comfort myself helps quite a bit. I do this by grabbing my diary, going to a quiet place and just writing down whatever is on my mind. Then I take a break, read through everything again and write a letter to myself with what I would say to someone else in my situation.
- Realise "you are loved! There is someone who loves you no matter what!".
- My boyfriend has promised me that I will get a letter from him for every week I last (he is usually mega lazy about writing). Thinking about that gives me strength to hang on.
- I got a copy of her hands from a friend who unfortunately lives far away. When I feel alone, I put my hands on it and feel comforted and no longer so alone.
- Thinking about the "after" and writing down possibilities of what I can do about it.
- Looking at pictures of scars/my own scars and thinking if I really want more.
- Bury the blade in a drawer, or in the back of the cupboard, so that you have to look for it before you find it. This period of time can already be enough to be "woken up" again.
- Thinking about what your therapist (if you have one) would say at that moment and feeling comforted by it.
- Write down all the goals you are fighting for and put them next to the blade. By necessity, one is reminded again and again (when I want to cut) of what one wants to achieve.
- Picture of the most important person lying on the blade. Then you have to get past that person. Keeps you off the edge pretty well too.
- Stand in front of the mirror (if you are still able to do so) and keep telling yourself "it's NOT my fault". It doesn't really matter whether you believe it or not, just keep repeating the sentence. You don't necessarily have to stay calm, shouting might help even more.
- Keep postponing the SVV. For example, if you have pressure in the evening, you postpone it until tomorrow, then when tomorrow comes, you think about how nice it is not to have cut and when the pressure comes, you postpone it until the evening - then you work on the computer until your eyes close and all you want to do is go to bed, then you also lack the strength to SVV.
- Write letters to yourself, telling yourself how proud you are of yourself for every day you managed without and praising/rewarding yourself for every little success, no matter in which area.
- Wet and cold a flannel and place it over your eyes.
- Fill the washbasin with cold water and dip your face in for a very short time, just under 2 seconds. Repeat a few times telling yourself to hold on for "just one more minute". And repeat until the pressure is released. You can do the same with intervals of 5 minutes, hour, etc. Preferably with a reward for a certain time without SVV. E.g. 1 piece of chocolate for every hour or extra relaxation time even though homework might be waiting or similar.
- Take an old picture of yourself when you were very small and looked so sweet and innocent. Then go into a self-dialogue: "Could you do that to the child?" "No..." "But you were about to..." And realise that it is you. To imagine that when you cut yourself you're basically cutting into this sweet little soft innocent arm.
- I've noticed lately that trying to comfort myself helps quite a bit. I do this by grabbing my diary, going to a quiet place and just writing down whatever is on my mind. Then I take a break, read through everything again and write a letter to myself with what I would say to someone else in my situation.
- Realise "you are loved! There is someone who loves you no matter what!".
- My boyfriend has promised me that I will get a letter from him for every week I last (he is usually mega lazy about writing). Thinking about that gives me strength to hang on.
- I got a copy of her hands from a friend who unfortunately lives far away. When I feel alone, I put my hands on it and feel comforted and not so alone anymore.
- Thinking about the "after" and writing down what I can do about it.
- Looking at pictures of scars/my own scars and thinking if I really want more.
- Bury the blade in a drawer, or in the back of the cupboard, so that you have to look for it before you find it. This period of time can already be enough to be "woken up" again.
- Thinking about what your therapist (if you have one) would say at that moment and feeling comforted by it.
- Write down all the goals you are fighting for and put them next to the blade. By necessity, you will always be reminded (when I want to cut) of what you want to achieve.
- Picture of the most important person to the blade. Then you have to pass that person. Keeps you off quite well, too.
- Stand in front of the mirror (if you are still able to do so) and keep telling yourself "it's NOT my fault". It doesn't really matter whether you believe it or not, just keep repeating the sentence. You don't necessarily have to stay calm, shouting might help even more.
- Keep postponing the SVV. For example, if you have pressure in the evening, you postpone it until tomorrow, then when tomorrow comes, you think about how nice it is not to have cut and when the pressure comes, you postpone it until the evening - then you work on the computer until your eyes close and all you want to do is go to bed, then you also lack the strength to SVV.
- Write letters to yourself, telling yourself how proud you are of yourself for every day you managed without and praising/rewarding yourself for every little success, no matter in which area.
- Wet and cold a flannel and place it over your eyes.
- Fill the washbasin with cold water and dip your face in for a very short time, just under 2 seconds. Repeat a few times

XI Distract yourself with

Support

- visit a friend, call
- write a letter to someone
- make, paint, buy someone a present, a flower (...)
- help with the dishes
- ask for vocabulary
- chat
- write an e-mail
- play a game with a friend (e.g. board games)
- mending clothes, darning socks
- set the table
- hang up the laundry, help with the ironing
- bake a cake or cook a meal together
- listen to someone
- encourage someone

comparing

- "Others feel sorry for themselves - I do something about being so badly off!"
- "Others have the same opportunity as me, but they don't take it!"
- Reality check


Replacing feelings

- Watching a children's series
- reading a novel
- letting a friend cheer you up with jokes etc.
- Write feelings in a diary
- Do something good for yourself (e.g. drink something warm in a café, buy yourself something new, give yourself a flower, lie down to sleep,...)
- watch a kitsch film or a soap
- crumple/tear paper
- tie a knot in a towel and hit the bed or an armchair with it
- Tear an old sheet
- Go into the forest and scream loudly
- Write down thoughts/feelings and put them away until talking to a friend or until the next therapy session ---- distract yourself until then
- Practice smiling easily
- Let go of emotional suffering
- Act in opposition to the feeling
- Change the moment
- Stop thinking

Thoughts

- "City - Country - River"
- count backwards in steps of 7
- Crossword puzzle
- "Thinking around the corner" (especially difficult puzzles)
- Tangram
- difficult puzzle with identical pieces or without a pattern
- IQ tests
- Translating text from another language
- Maths tasks
- Knotting and unknotting beads/stones or thicker string
- Hanging paper clips into each other and undoing them as quickly as possible
- Make any dots on a sheet of paper and try to draw a figure or similar by connecting them.
- Create your own crossword puzzle
- Thread games
- Juggling
- Search for something on the internet
- Write a diary
- Building something with building blocks (e.g. a problem tower/Jenga)
- Solve a Rubik's Cube
- play memory
- draw a picture on the computer holding the mouse upside down
- write a text with the left hand

X Calming down with the help of the 5 senses

Seeing

- Kaleidoscope
- Art postcards
- Looking at glass paperweights with colourful motifs
- Going to a museum
- Lava lamp
- aquarium
- looking into the fire
- taking photos
- looking at slides
- pleasant photos of beautiful experiences
- flowers
- watching clouds, seeing them move
- zoo
- illustrated books
- looking at particularly strong colours
- Washing machine in motion
- Matching stars/stellar images
- recorded single on video
- glowing yoyo
- Shaking box (snow globe..)
- Painting and drawing

Listen

- Birdsong
- Music (favourite music)
- Meditation music
- Life concert
- Making music yourself
- Wave noise
- Noise shells
- Singing
- Drumming
- Listening to nature sounds
- Raindrops
- Noises in the house
- Cassette with text from therapist
- Cassette with recorded individual
- Loud music with headphones
- Making popcorn in a pot with a lid

Smell

- Favourite perfume
- cream
- What does it smell like outside early in the morning? After a rain?
- Flowers
- Food, fruit
- Bed with freshly made sheets
- Putting on fresh clothes
- Cooking
- incense sticks
- scented candle
- soap
- body cream
- Face Cream
- Tiger Balm
- Garlic Pizza
- Wood
- WC Spray

Taste

- fresh, strong herbs
- freshly squeezed juice
- sweets
- chocolate
- chewing gum
- cakes
- tea
- Trying out ice cream flavours
- homemade popcorn
- Eating aniseed or caraway pure

Feel

- Velvet, Silk
- Animal, Pet
- fluffy corner
- soft or hard brush
- walking barefoot
- to pat oneself
- hot water bottle
- bathing
- stuffed animal
- Sandbag (also heated on a radiator)
- Hedgehog ball
- Rubber ball
- Bird feather
- massage
- favourite trousers
- feeling the tingling of the bursting bubbles when washing the dishes
- Indian wire game or small wire games to move in your hand
- lotus blossom
- trying on shoes in a shop

Changing the moment through

imagination

- Fantasising
- "safe place"
- Looking at travel guides
- (souvenir) photos
- picture books
- Imagining the enemy in "holey pants
- Memories of pleasant experiences
Making sense

- "If I hadn't done that, then..." in retrospect a meaning is easier to see; remember this and recall it the next time a difficult situation arises (possibly write it down, keep a diary).
- "Everything has a meaning/reason, even if I don't see it at the moment."

Prayer/meditation

- Just sit in a church during the day, light a candle, think of things I am grateful for.
- sit on the floor, light a candle and try not to think about anything
- visit certain places of pilgrimage
- Ritual
- Praying to be able to endure

Relaxation

- e.g. muscle relaxation exercises
- Take a nice bath
- Footbath
- massage
- hot-water bottle
- sauna
- taking a break
- go to a cafe
- sleeping
- reading
- go on holiday
- Steps towards pleasant feelings
- Concentrating on the moment
- taking fifteen minutes out and drinking a cup of tea mindfully
- calling a friend
- let a piece of cake or yoghurt melt in your mouth
- read a newspaper or a book
- listen to a short radio play

Longer-term stress tolerance skills

- Radical acceptance (at the moment I cannot act, I have to endure the situation as best I can until I can intervene)
- inner readiness
- Steps towards pleasant feelings
- Reducing vulnerability (e.g. planning my day well with breaks so that I don't get stressed and my tension doesn't increase as a result)
- Smiling lightly (poking holes changes the state of my body - positive reactions and tension can set in. I only poke holes for myself, it has nothing to do with other people!) Keep your head up, sit up straight and breathe deeply. I can also imagine that, for example, my boss is wearing holey pants or that they are trying to see the world with kind, positive thoughts (e.g. instead of "What do you think he thinks is bad about me?" or "He must mean me harm.", think: "What could the other person think is good about me?" Or "The poor woman looks so annoyed - she must have had a stressful shopping trip...").